You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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