on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
