I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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