I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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