I wish I could punch you in the face.
wanna go halves on a baby?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
