I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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