Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
