just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
