If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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