remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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