i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
