I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
