Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
