dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
