Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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