I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
