I skipped work to stalk him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have so much sex to catch up on
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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