i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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