Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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