Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
