roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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