drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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