so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
