I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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