Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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