my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
