I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
