I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize