She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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