i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
