How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize