I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
