I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
