At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
