I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
