nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
