I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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