It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
