no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
