Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
