No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
