if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
