I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
