Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
