This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
