omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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