if you like me you must not know who I am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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