thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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