Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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