I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
