I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
