I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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