Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
