ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Michael Bay diarrhea
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
