when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
