After last night, I could never be a politician.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
