Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
