You can't motorboat a personality
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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