Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
