Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
