I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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