You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Say something about gay babies.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
