We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
worst night to have a conscience
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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