1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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