And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
