Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
