I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
