sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
