look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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