I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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