Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
