After last night, I could never be a politician.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
