he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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