I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
