I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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